


Strength

by lastweekon



Category: Ghost Adventures (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-12 23:09:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7127180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastweekon/pseuds/lastweekon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick is worried about Zak as he attempts to recover from a violent possession.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You almost done in there?” Nick called from the kitchen. “Food’s ready!”   
He grabbed two plates, scooping healthy portions of pasta onto each. He added a little salad onto the plates for good measure.   
“Zak?” He called again.   
“Sorry, yeah. Just about done.” Zak called back from the living room.  
“Okay, the show starts in fifteen minutes. I thought maybe we’d eat in front of the TV?” Nick suggested, already stuffing forks and napkins into his back pocket as he grabbed for the plates.   
“Sounds good.”   
Zak had been quiet all day, spending a lot of time on his computer but Nick hardly heard him type. He knew Zak was having a tough time coming off of their last investigation. It had been a rough one and he had experienced a pretty aggressive possession. The after effects had been messing with him since they’d gotten home. Nick hated to watch him struggle like this, but Zak made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He’d given himself a few days to break down and now he wanted to put it in the past. Only he didn’t seem to be moving on from it. 

Nick walked into the living room balancing both plates, bottles of water tucked under his arms. The sun had set while Nick was cooking, and the room was dark with the exception of the glow coming from Zak’s laptop. The older man sat staring at the screen.   
“Turn the light on, babe. You’re gonna go blind staring at that thing.” Nick said casually. He tried hard not to let his real concern come through his voice.   
“Oh.” Zak said, looking up from the screen, surprised. Clearly he hadn’t noticed the setting sun.   
“I hope you’re hungry!” Nick said brightly as he turned on the nearest lamp. “I made your favorite.”   
“Pasta alla Nick.” Zak said with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Sounds good.”   
“It is.” Nick said with a smirk. “Now get off that computer and come sit with me.”  
Zak closed the cover of his laptop, making his way over and flopping down on the couch next to Nick. The younger man leaned in for a quick kiss, pressing his lips to Zak’s. Zak kissed back softly, not moving to deepen the kiss the way he normally would. Nick pulled back to look into Zak’s eyes. There was a softness in them that he was relieved to see.   
“Thanks for cooking.” Zak said, moving for his plate of pasta.   
“No problem. I know you’ve been busy today.” The truth was he had no idea what Zak was actually working on, if he was doing anything at all. But he knew the older man needed to eat. He hadn’t had much of an appetite since they’d gotten home and Nick hoped cooking his favorite would cheer him up.  
“Yeah…” Zak said, twirling pasta onto his fork. “It feels like there’s always something to do.”   
“Anything I can help with?” Nick offered. “I’m basically done editing the episode, so if you need help-”  
“No. That’s okay. You have enough on your plate.” Zak said, mouth full of pasta.   
“I can _help_ Zak. With anything you need.” Nick said sincerely. He didn’t want to start a fight, but he needed Zak to know that he was there if he needed to talk.   
“I know.” Zak said, lowering his eyes to his plate. “I’m okay.”   
“Okay...” Nick said feeling disappointed. More than anything he just wanted Zak to talk to him about what was going on in his head. Even if Nick couldn’t really help, he could listen.   
“The pasta is great.” Zak said, reaching out to rub Nick’s knee. “Just what I needed.” he added with a grateful smile.   
“I’m glad you like it.” Nick said, smiling back. Happy to do anything to brighten Zak’s day.   
They ate in comfortable silence. It was the most Zak had eaten in one sitting since they’d gotten back. And Nick couldn’t help but hope that the older man was finally starting to bounce back. He set his empty plate down on the coffee table, wrapping an arm around Zak’s middle and scooting in close. He leaned his body against Zak’s resting his head on the older man’s shoulder. Usually, Nick was the human pillow. But since their latest lockdown, Zak had been significantly less touchy. At night he kept to his side of the bed until he fell asleep. Then his body’s instincts took over, zeroing in on Nick and clinging to him the way he always had. But when they were awake, Nick found himself initiating almost every kiss and touch.   
“Did you get enough to eat?” he asked even though Zak hadn’t finished what was on his plate.   
“Yeah, thanks.” Zak said, leaning his head to rest against Nick’s.   
Nick sighed contentedly. At least Zak was returning his affection. He took a small bit of comfort in that. He tilted his head up, finding Zak’s lips. He let his hand wander up the strong arms as he kissed Zak, finally resting them on the older man’s face. Zak chuckled lightly, pulling back as Nick moved to deepen the kiss.   
“Isn’t the show about to start?” he asked, lightly pushing Nick back.   
“The show?” Nick asked, feeling a little wounded. “Who cares about that?”  
“You do.” Zak said with a lighthearted laugh.  
“I can watch it tomorrow.” Nick countered.   
“Are you kidding? You’ve been excited about this all week. Besides, I’m beat. I think I’m gonna head to bed early.” Zak said, dropping his eyes as he spoke.   
“You are?” Nick asked. He couldn’t help but feel like they were taking another step backward. “Do you want me to come with you?”  
“No, that’s okay. Watch your show. I’m just gonna knock out anyway.” Zak said dismissively.   
“Oh, okay.” Nick said, unable to hide his disappointment. “Are you sure?”  
“Positive.” Zak said with a reassuring pat to the younger man’s shoulder. He stood up, collecting the plates from the table.   
“Hey.” Nick said, getting the older man’s attention. “Kiss.”   
Zak smirked, leaning down for a quick peck to Nick’s lips.   
“Night.” he said as he made his way to the kitchen.   
“Night…” Nick called back, lost in thought. 

Nick sat on the couch, staring blankly at the screen. He hadn’t heard a single word of his show. All he could think about was Zak. He didn’t really know what to do anymore. He wanted to respect the older man’s wishes to put the lockdown behind them, but it was clear that the possession was still affecting him. He wasn’t acting like himself and Nick worried that if he didn’t do something, he’d lose Zak for good. He looked at the time. It had been a little over half an hour since Zak went up to bed. He wondered if he was already asleep. He turned off the TV, he wasn’t watching it anyway. And he headed up to the bedroom quietly, not wanting to wake Zak if he was already sleeping. 

No light shone from under the door and he carefully pushed it open. Immediately he noticed Zak sitting at the foot of the bed, head in his hands. He could hear the older man crying softly as he sat there, oblivious to Nick’s presence. Nick’s heart sank at the sight. How long had Zak been up here crying _alone_. He made his way across the room, kneeling at Zak’s feet. The older man jumped as Nick rested his hands on his thighs.  
“Shit! Nick...you scared me.” Zak said, quickly wiping his eyes.   
“Zak, Babe, what's wrong?” Nick asked worriedly.   
“Oh, nothing. I'm fine.” Zak said dismissively.   
“You're _not_ fine, Zak.” Nick said seriously. “Please. Just talk to me.”   
“It's stupid.” Zak said, voice catching a bit as he spoke.   
Nick moved to wipe a stray tear as it rolled from Zak’s eye.  
“Well then, just tell me about it so I can make fun of you.” Nick joked, trying to put Zak at ease.   
Something between a laugh and a sob escaped Zak’s lips as he rested his hand on Nick’s.   
“I want to help.” Nick added sincerely.   
Zak took a deep breath, preparing himself before he spoke.   
“I'm sure you've noticed that I've been a little off since we got home.” He said, letting it linger for a moment before continuing. “I've been trying to put the whole thing behind me, but I'm just having trouble shaking it. I don't feel like myself, you know? And I can tell that I'm hurting you and I hate that.”   
“Hey, don't worry about me. _I'm fine_.” Nick said, cupping Zak’s face with his hands. “I'm just worried about _you_.”  
“I don't know what to do, Nick.” He said, breaking down. “Everything is so messed up. I can't stop thinking about it.”   
Nick stood from the floor, sitting next to Zak and pulling him in tight against his chest.   
“We’re gonna figure this out Zak. I promise.” Nick said, rubbing calming circles along the older man’s back.  
“I thought I was stronger than that. But I wasn't. I was cocky and stupid and I could have really hurt you.” Zak said between sobs. “What if you hadn't been able to get through to me?” He asked, pulling back to look Nick in the eyes. His own eyes wide with fear.  
Nick remembered talking Zak down that night. Whatever had wormed its way into him was strong and violent and Nick had to pull out all the stops to bring Zak back to him.   
“But I _did_ get through to you.” Nick said. “And you were so strong, Zak. Most people wouldn’t have been able to fight off a possession like that.”   
“When I think about what I wanted to do to you...it makes me sick.” Zak said, sucking in ragged breaths.  
“It’s okay.” Nick said, shushing him quietly.   
“It’s _not_ okay, Nick!” Zak shouted. “It’s not. I wanted to _kill_ you. And then I wanted to kill myself.”   
Nick froze, trying hard not to let the shock play out on his face. He knew Zak had wanted to hurt him, he’d had to physically restrain him at one point. But Zak had never mentioned the dark thoughts he’d had about himself and Nick’s insides twisted at the thought.   
“Zak…” He said feeling overcome.   
“I’m sorry, Nick. I’m so sorry.” he said, tears falling steadily.   
“You wanted to kill yourself?” Nick asked, feeling pain at just the words.   
“I couldn’t have lived with myself if anything happened to you.” Zak said, placing a hand on Nick’s chest. “Especially if _I_ did it.”  
Nick sat in shocked silence, unable to collect himself as he thought of a world without Zak in it. He couldn’t fathom it. He didn’t want to.   
“Do you still feel that way? Like you want to hurt yourself?” He asked cautiously, wanting to wrap Zak up in his arms and protect him from everything.  
“No...not really.” Zak said. “But I don’t trust myself anymore. It scares me to think about what I wanted to do to you. And when I think about how close I came…I just want you to be safe.” He said, reaching his hand out to touch Nick. But he thought better of it, pulling back and lowering his eyes. “Sorry.”   
Nick reached out, taking Zak’s hand in his own and bringing it to rest over his heart.   
“You can touch me, Zak.” Nick said, squeezing the older man’s hand. “I _want_ you to.”  
“Every time I touch you, I fall apart.” Zak said, voice catching in his throat.   
“Go ahead. Fall apart.” Nick said sincerely. “That’s what I’m here for. And I’d rather you fall apart with me than hide what you’re feeling.” He reached over, taking hold of Zak’s other hand and bringing it to rest in his lap. “Zak, I need you to talk to me about this stuff. If I’d known you were thinking about hurting yourself…that scares the hell out of me.”   
“I know, I’m sorry.” Zak said, lowering his eyes in shame.   
“Hey.” Nick said, willing Zak to look at him. “You don’t have to apologize for feeling what you’re feeling. Just let me help. Please.” he begged. “I can’t think about you doing anything to yourself. I couldn’t handle it.”   
Zak nodded his head, tears streaming quietly down his face.   
“Okay.”   
“Tell me what I can do, Zak? What can I do to make everything okay?” Nick asked, gripping Zak’s hands tightly in his own.   
“I just want to feel safe again.” Zak said sadly. “When I was possessed...I felt so vulnerable. And I was so scared for you because I couldn’t control my own body. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I just want to find a way to feel safe again and to know that you’re safe with me.”  
“I _am_ safe with you.” Nick asserted. “When you were possessed, I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get you back. I almost sent Aaron out to find a priest, it was that strong. But you fought it, Zak. _You_ did that. You’re the strongest person I know and I’d trust you with my life. I do it all the time, actually.”  
“But Nick, if you knew how close I came to-”   
“It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you didn’t do it. You kept me safe and you kept yourself safe. I don’t think you realize how strong you actually are.”  
“You really think so?” Zak asked.   
“I really do.” Nick said with an encouraging smile. “And you always have me. I’m never going to stop protecting you. You're my world, Zak.”   
Zak smiled and Nick’s heart leapt at the way it reached his eyes, crinkling at the corners.  
“How do you do that?” Zak asked.  
“Do what?”   
“You always make everything better.”  
“All I do is point out the things you can't see in yourself. You're amazing.” Nick said   
Zak smiled again, sending another shockwave through Nick’s heart.   
“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Zak said sincerely.   
“If I have it my way, you’ll never have to find out.” Nick promised.   
Zak brought his hands to Nick’s face, leaning in to press their lips together. Nick smiled as Zak kissed him long and deep and he savored every moment of the affection he’d been missing. When they finally broke the kiss, Zak rested his head on the younger man’s shoulder, letting out a quiet sigh. Nick held him tight and slowly, the older man melted into him. They sat like that for a while as Zak’s breath evened out. Soon he was snoring softly against Nick’s chest. Nick didn’t want to wake him, but he knew Zak couldn’t sleep sitting up the whole night. And he wouldn’t mind laying down either.   
“Zak.” He whispered, giving the older man a soft shake.   
“Mmm...:” Zak mumbled sleepily.   
“Come on. Let’s lay down.” Nick soothed.   
“Ok.”   
Zak sat up, rubbing his eyes as Nick threw back the covers. Zak crawled up the bed, quickly climbing under the blankets and before Nick’s head could hit the pillow, Zak was wrapped around him. The older man burrowed his head under Nick’s chin and tossed an arm over his body, covering him in the warmth he craved.   
“I love you, Nick.” he mumbled already drifting off again.   
“I love you too.” Nick said, kissing his forehead softly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since their heart-to-heart, Zak has been improving. But after another round of nightmares, Nick tries to find a way to take matters into his own hands.

Nick rolled over, subconsciously reaching out for Zak in the dark room. When his hands didn't find their target, his eyes popped open. The bed was empty. It was dark. Still the middle of the night from what he could tell. He sat up, rubbing his eyes as his body woke. He noticed the bathroom door was closed but no light came from under it. He made his way over, whispering Zak’s name at the door. When no answer came, he turned the knob, pushing the door open. His heart sank when he saw Zak on the bathroom floor, body curled up tightly in the fetal position. He crouched down quickly, unsure if the older man was breathing.  
“Zak!” He shouted, shaking his body roughly.   
A wave of relief washed over Nick as Zak startled awake. The older man’s hands poised for attack.  
“It’s me, Zak.” Nick said quickly, calming him. He felt terrible for scaring Zak, but he was also too relieved to care.   
“Oh. Sorry.” Zak said, lowering his arms. He sat up, cracking the kinks in his neck as his breathing calmed.   
“Are you okay? Did you pass out?” Nick asked, hands on either side of the older man’s face. It was only then that he noticed the trail of dried tears along Zak’s cheeks.  
“No, I didn't pass out. I'm okay. I just had another nightmare.” Zak explained, rubbing at the back of his neck.   
“Why didn't you wake me?” Nick asked, sitting down across from Zak on the bathroom floor.   
“I figured one of us should get some sleep.” Zak laughed tiredly. “I just couldn't get settled so I came in here.”   
“You should have woken me up.” Nick said seriously. He hated the idea of Zak scared and alone when he didn't need to be.   
“I know. I was just gonna splash some water on my face and come back to bed but I just couldn't calm down.” Zak said. “So I laid down for a second and I must have just knocked out.”   
Nick carded a hand through Zak’s hair as he stared into his bloodshot eyes.   
“Babe, I thought things were getting better.” He said, feeling disappointed.   
Ever since they’d had their heart-to-heart a week before, Zak seemed like he was on his way back to his old self. He was a lot less withdrawn and a _lot_ more affectionate. Nick knew that it would take a while for Zak to recover from the trauma of being possessed, but he hated how much the older man was still struggling.   
“They were...They _are_. See, this is why I didn’t want to wake you up.” Zak said, lowering his eyes. “I don’t want you worrying so much.”  
Zak’s words were tinged with frustration and Nick couldn’t help but feel like it was directed at him.   
“Sorry.” he said, feeling wounded.  
“Ugh!” Zak said, dropping his head to his hands. “I’m fucking everything up.” He sat up, grabbing for Nick’s hands and looking him square in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m upset with me, not with you. I just can’t stand to see you so disappointed. The truth is, I don’t know how long it’s gonna take to get over this. But I promise you, it’s getting better every day. And it’s because of _you_. And I just hate to see you so worried. I know you want me to be back to normal, but I still have a ways to go. I still feel scared sometimes and I don’t know if the nightmares are _ever_ gonna stop... I just need you to stick with me. It’s the only way I’m gonna get through this.”  
Nick squeezed Zak’s hands lightly in his own, lifting one to his lips for a kiss.   
“I’m with you to the end, babe.” Nick said sincerely. “I just hate watching you go through this. It makes me feel so powerless. I don’t want you to be afraid anymore.”  
“I know. I don’t want to be either. It’s just gonna take a while.” Zak said, rubbing his thumbs along Nick’s hands. “But whenever I do feel safe, it’s because of you. You’ve already helped me so much, you have no idea.”   
Nick smiled softly as he looked into Zak’s tired eyes. He’d never felt so protective of anyone. He wanted to wrap Zak up in his arms and shield him from any and everything that would try to do him harm. But that was impossible. Especially in their line of work and especially with their next lockdown right around the corner. He’d have to settle for doing whatever he could to make Zak feel safe and protected.   
“Love you.” he said, hoping that was enough for right now.  
“So much.” Zak said, smiling as he leaned in for a kiss. Nick met him halfway, pressing their lips together softly.   
“Let’s go back to bed.” Nick said, standing and offering his hands to Zak. The older man grabbed on and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. He stumbled a little and Nick steadied him easily, wrapping an arm around his waist as they made their way back toward the bed. 

Nick pulled the front door shut behind him, trying his best to be quiet as he kicked off his shoes in the entryway. If Zak was still sleeping, he didn't want to wake him. He tiptoed up the stairs, avoiding the most creaky spots. When he walked into the bedroom, he was pleased to find Zak sprawled out across the bed and snoring softly. He smiled to himself as he stepped out of his pants, sliding into the sheets next to him. The older man stirred a bit, moving to snuggle into Nick’s side. Nick let his hand fall comfortably on Zak’s back as he settled in.   
“Where did you go?” Zak mumbled sleepily. He didn't even bother opening his eyes as he spoke.   
“Shh...go back to sleep. I just had to run a quick errand.” Nick whispered. Nick had hoped that Zak could get a few more uninterrupted hours of sleep.   
“What kind of errand?” Zak asked curiously, eyes fluttering open.   
“The kind we can talk about later.” Nick said with a grin. “I didn't mean to wake you, you should really try to get some more sleep.”   
Zak had hardly slept at all the night before and what sleep he did get was restless. After Nick had gotten him back to bed, he’d tossed and turned as Nick tried his best to soothe him. He knew they couldn't go on like this. He understood that it was going to take a while for Zak to recover from his possession, but that didn't mean that he couldn't do everything in his power to help. With their next lockdown only days away, Nick knew he had to do something to calm Zak’s nerves. So while Zak was still sleeping, he’d snuck out to pick up a few things he hoped would help.   
Zak propped himself up on his forearms, looking Nick in the eyes.   
“Now I'm too curious to sleep.” He said with a smile. “Did you go to the gym? You know, your body’s not gonna waste away if you skip _one_ workout.”   
“No, I didn't go to the gym.” Nick said with a chuckle.   
“Come on, spill it. Where’d you go?” Zak asked expectantly.   
Okay, apparently he was doing this _now_. He sat up a bit, suddenly nervous about how Zak might react.   
“I couldn't sleep last night thinking about this whole situation. And with our lockdown coming up...I just wanted to help, you know? So I popped out to grab a few things.”   
Zak sat up, crossing his legs in front of him.   
“What kind of things?” He asked, obviously intrigued.   
“Just some odds and ends I thought might help.” Nick said, climbing off the bed to grab the shopping bags.   
“Woah, you were busy.” Zak said as he saw the bags in Nick’s hands.   
Nick climbed back on the bed, crossing his legs, knees brushing Zak's.   
“First I stopped at the apothecary and picked up some sage. I thought we could sage you and me and the house. Just make sure everything is all clear, you know.” Nick said, pulling the sage out of the bag and setting it aside. “Oh, and while I was there, I picked up some of that sleepy tea. Remember that stuff? Works wonders. So then I got to talking with the owner and _she_ suggested this book on meditation. Now I know you’re not big into that...but I thought what the hell, right? If it works, it works. Anyway, they were out of the book but I tracked down a copy at Barnes and Noble.” He tossed the book to Zak as he continued. “ _Then_ , I stopped by to visit Father Murphy. Just to see if he had any ideas. He gave me some holy water and suggested that we keep it close during our lockdowns. So I’ll make sure and pack it before we leave.” 

Nick stopped to take a breath and he noticed Zak staring at him.   
“Too much?” He asked with a nervous and slightly embarrassed laugh.   
Zak lit up as a wide smile spread across his face.   
“Are you kidding me? You’re amazing.” He said sincerely, lunging forward to capture Nick’s lips between his own. “I’m just trying to figure out what I did to deserve you.” he added with a grin.   
Nick moved in, pressing his lips back against Zak’s. He sunk into the kiss, wrapping his arms around the older man’s shoulders as he deepened the kiss. After a few moments, they separated, breathing against each other.   
“Wait, what’s in that one?” Zak asked suddenly, noticing the remaining bag.   
Nick’s stomach twisted a bit as nerves took over.   
“Well, this one’s from me.” He said, taking a long velvet box out of the bag and handing it to Zak. “To protect you.”   
Zak stared at the box, clearly a little stunned. After a second he collected himself and opened the lid to reveal a large and intricate silver cross that hung from a thick, silver ball chain.   
“Nick…” Zak breathed.  
“If it’s too big or too gaudy...or you just don’t like it, it’s not a big deal. We could return it or exchange it for something else.” Nick rambled, suddenly feeling very vulnerable.   
“Nick.” Zak said, grabbing the younger man’s hand. “I love it.”  
“Yeah?” Nick asked, relief washing over him.   
“It’s perfect. Honestly. I love it so much.” Zak beamed. He took it out of the box, slipping it over his head. “I feel safer already.” he said with a satisfied smile.  
“Good.” Nick said with a chuckle.   
“I mean it, I’m gonna feel safer whenever I wear this.” Zak said earnestly. “And it’s gonna remind me of you, so it’s a win win.”   
I hope so.” Nick said.  
“I can't believe you did all this…” Zak said, still admiring the necklace.   
“I just wanted to do whatever I could to help. I know this is gonna be a long road, but I couldn't just sit back and do nothing.”  
“Well, I have a feeling it's gonna be a little easier now.” Zak said with a grin.   
“I hope it is.” Nick agreed, taking Zak’s hands in his. “But promise me you'll tell me if it’s not. Even if you think it’s going to upset me or make me worry. I promise you, I'd rather know.”   
“I will.” Zak agreed. “I promise.”   
“Good.” Nick said, feeling slightly relieved. “Now, I don't know about you, but I need a nap.”   
“A nap sounds good.” Zak agreed. “Besides, I wanna test this bad boy out. See if it can't keep the nightmares at bay.” He said, examining the necklace.   
Nick chuckled as he lay back in the bed, Zak settling down next to him.   
“It’s not a magical necklace, babe.” Nick said with a grin.   
“We’ll see about that!” Zak smirked. He leaned in to plant a quick kiss on Nick’s lips before resting back at his side.   
Nick watched Zak as he held the necklace up, admiring it happily. Nick smiled to himself, deciding that if the necklace did nothing else, it was worth every penny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The entire reason I wrote this story was because I was thinking about the necklace Zak wears on Deadly Possessions. He says he wears it when he's in his haunted museum to protect him. And my NAK-obsessed mind went straight to the idea of Nick giving Zak the necklace. 
> 
> I really struggled getting the first chapter out, but thankfully the second one felt like it went pretty smoothly. I hope you guys enjoyed it! I'd love to hear what you thought!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I'm having some serious writer's block recently. I pushed through this first part and I'm not completely satisfied with how it turned out. Hopefully it didn't feel too forced. 
> 
> I have plans for a second chapter that will hopefully make this mess-of-a-chapter worth it! Thanks as always for reading!


End file.
